The Wiccan Christian

Hope, Healing and Happiness in Trauma Recovery

recent posts

about

Welcome to The Wiccan Christian. I’m sure many people wonder, “What exactly does that mean?” The truth is, I’m not sure there’s an official definition. If there is, I suppose that’s what I am. Hi, my name is Cindy. I created this blog to be something like a diary—a place to share my thoughts, favorite quotes, Bible verses, spiritual reflections, and the little things I’ve learned along the way. Some of these ideas are my own. Others have come from people whose words stayed with me long after I heard them. Together, they’ve helped shape the person I am today. I won’t promise that this blog will be perfectly organized because, quite honestly, I’m not an organized person. What I can promise is honesty. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, someone else might feel understood. Maybe you’ll see a piece of your own story in mine. I believe that sharing our stories takes away fear, replaces judgment with understanding, and reminds us that none of us are truly alone. I’ve lived through some incredibly beautiful moments, and I’ve also experienced some of life’s deepest wounds. Those experiences have left scars that may never completely disappear, but they have also shaped my strength, my faith, and my compassion for others. I don’t define myself by what I’ve been through. I define myself by the fact that I’m still here, still growing, still learning, and still believing there is hope. I’m a survivor. Thank you for stopping by. I hope you’ll stay awhile, and I hope something you read here brings you comfort, encouragement, or simply reminds you that someone else understands. Welcome.
  • Yeah, He Turned Out To Be My Now Ex Husband

    Yeah, He Turned Out To Be My Now Ex Husband

    Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.

    I met him at AA. He was my first husband (I’ve been married and divorced twice). That seems such a long time ago. Realistically, I had concerns about the difference in age. But he chased me down one night after the meeting, wondering if I’d like to go out for dinner sometime. I thought he was very well mannered. And polite and cute. Out of curiosity I said “yes”. I wanted to get to know him better outside of AA.

    I know in AA they do not suggest dating the first year of sobriety. Why?? You may ask? Because “they” consider the first year to be fragile during recovery. And knowing what I know now, I should have listened.

    I’m not saying he was a bad guy. He was very good to both me and my daughter. And that was like gold to me.

    I guess I could say I married him for the stability. It didn’t matter that there was a ten (10) year age difference. He treated me well. As well as my daughter.

    If there was any mistreatment, it was myself toward him. But that’s another story.

    It was me that just left one day, and didn’t come back. My daughter was in college at the time. I suppose I was going through Empty Nest Syndrome. I ran into an old friend from back in the day. She invited to come over and see the new house her and her husband had built.

    ‘I have the time to’, I thought to myself, So, I followed her to her house. We talked awhile to catch up. Then she brought up the bar. I had been sober…I think four (4) years at that time. But I said sure.. Things went downhill rather quickly after that, I ended up getting a DWI with her. And my husband was the one who had to come and pick me up. That evening he told me I had a choice. It was either him or the alcohol.

    Long story short, I picked the alcohol and moved out and right into another pile of trouble. I moved in with that friend and her husband.

    I suspected she may had been gay and just married her husband to try to deny her authentic self.

    Turns out I was right. I lived with her and her husband for three months. I slept with them. And the three of us messed around together. This whole time I was drinking pretty heavily. Which made me very vulnerable, gullible, and naive. so, I was just trying an experiment. To me it meant nothing more. But to her it meant everything.

    Since then she divorced her husband and expected me to fire my man as well. I wouldn’t do that so I chose not to associate with her anymore.

    The disassociation didn’t last long. My second husband at that time was very frustrated with the decisions I was making. But it was no longer his business.

    I caught up with my friend and her husband right after church the next morning. They followed me to my house and loaded what they could. I was leaving. No explanation.

    And I’ll end this right here.

    At some point I would love to talk zodiacs.

  • 8 Months in Chemical Dependency Treatment

    8 Months in Chemical Dependency Treatment

    Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

    Yes, I spent eight (8) months in chemical dependency treatment. It was only supposed to be thirty (30) days, but I kept running from treatment center to treatment center, my anxiety was so bad. I would make it about two (2) weeks, then bale. Off to a different treatment center. It was important that I graduated one, because I was in trouble with the law. And although I voluntarily put myself into treatment, it was important to graduate one as it became part of my sentence.

    Methamphetamine is a real bitch to let go of. Just the anxiety alone when you quit is very debilitating. At least it was for me. I think this is the same for other people as well, that’s why people don’t quit. But back in those days I was bound and determined to quit. I wanted to prove to people that all these “delusions” they claimed I was having WAS NOT the result of a drug psychosis, but was actually real.

    Funny how those delusions went away after I cleaned myself up.

    This recent relapse I had back in early April reminded me exactly why I needed to stay away from that stuff. It interfered with my medication and I became very paranoid right away. So bad I had a panic attack. Prior to that relapse I had six (6) years clean time. Now I’m back again, starting over and struggling with this increased anxiety. I’m just wondering how long it’s going to last; this increased anxiety that is. I sure hope not as long as the first time. I think that went on for a whole year.

    I do still have quite a bit of anxiety today, but I’ve taken my prn medications just so I can make it through work. I’m telling you, my prn’s have made me very tired. And I don’t think I have time for a nap.

    Or, maybe I do 🤔.

  • Embarrassing, But It Is What It Is

    Embarrassing, But It Is What It Is

    I was so tired last night when I wrote my last post, just before I went to bed, that somehow I accidentally put a copy of my therapy receipt into the post 🫢. I don’t know how that happened, but I don’t care at this point either. I have no money for people to steal. I had a hard enough time paying that $12 bill y’all saw 😂. And I can’t dwell on it for too long, otherwise it will be on my mind all day with worrying and what have ya. I just gotta let it go and move on.

    With that being said I want to wish everybody a great morning. I have therapy in a half hour, then I need to move on with the rest of my day.

  • It’s Been a Tiring Day

    It’s Been a Tiring Day

    Istockphoto.com

    I’ve had a hard time sleeping the past three nights. My mind won’t stop thinking. That is/was one of the reasons I took medical cannabis. But I haven’t had any in about a week. I’ve kind of lost interest in it. It wasn’t working as well as it did when I first started it four (4) years ago.

    My therapist warned me I’d probably have a hard time sleeping without it now for a while. She was right.

    I decided to stop because I’ve been tired of being broke as soon as I get paid.

    I also quit drinking wine. I’ll admit I was a wine drinker for about three (3) years. Again, this routine got old. So I’ve cut that out too. I’ve probably put my body out of wack doing this. But time has a habit of making many things better.

    I do find it interesting that I relapsed on the methamphetamine after I quit the cannabis and the wine. But I have determined that I really don’t like or need it like I imagined I did. I actually got bored with it quite quickly. So I haven’t really had any intense cravings I thought I would.

    I’ve been going to online NA meetings lately. Mostly because I like to isolate, and my therapist, as well as my family tell me to get out of the house and get busy doing something. I was quite surprised to find a list of online NA meetings. And it was an exceptionally long list; The top of every hour of every day. As a matter of fact I will probably check one out when I’m done with this.

    Also with my families encouragement I’ve decided I’m going to make a flower garden outside my apartment. A friend of mine gave me a three tiered plant holder, so I know I’ll use that. The only trick I’m going to have to deal with is the rubbish and rocks I’ve got to get through to even plant a garden. My first available, nice weekend, I’m going to work on it. Or try anyway. My brother was able to get my shepherd hook through the rock, so that does sound promising.

    My lack of appetite has been a concern to a few people. Not to me, but to my therapist and my daughter. I just do not have an appetite, except during the middle of the night. But I have stopped the overnight eating after I ate a bar of soap in my sleep! 😂 I can’t help but wonder what prompted me to pick soap? I did call the specialist the next day to in form them of the incident. They decided I need to do another sleep study. I thought to myself, ‘Here we go again.

    After the soap incident I started forcing myself to eat something during the day. This does seem to have helped. I haven’t been eating in the middle of the night much at all lately.

    I had to make a really hard decision about work today. The client that I am currently working with likes to sleep till noon or 1pm. This makes it really difficult to do my job. She has three (3) dogs….well, had I should say. Two of them just recently went to an adoption program.

    I used to be a very early morning person when I smoked cigarettes. Cigarettes and morning coffee always tasted so yummy.

    But I’ve got to end this post and hopefully get it posted before I have to go to the store.

    Haha 🤣 that last sentence was funny to me.

    I hope everybody has another excellent day! And I will post my email address again so people always know I welcome conversation.

    Cyngsoul70@thewiccanchristian.blog

    Peace out ☮️ I am falling asleep 😴

  • Too Much Tension Out There

    What place in the world do you never want to visit? Why?

    Everything Has It’s Gift

    This photo was picked to remember and show support to our Military while they are busting their butts out there keeping us safe. People should be grateful and thankful for their service. Instead, our military gets booed by the democrats. The leftist’s show no respect when every military person is simply doing their job. With all the tension currently in the world, you would think every person would be supporting the Military at 100%. And yeah, it is true that a soldier may not make it back. But each military person knows what they’re signing up for, without fear.

    With that being said, I wouldn’t want to travel to any place in the world. And for good reason(s) in which I already lightly explained. With all of the hostility in the current people these days, I’d be too afraid to travel. I’m already too afraid to travel.

    So currently, I feel it is better to be safe than sorry, should you end up on enemy lines, and getting into the middle of the crossfire.

    Bringing this back to the military: Show your support, not your hatred of Trump. We need to remember that our military is only taking orders, not making their own orders. They need your support and encouragement. Don’t doubt them for their choice of career, whether you agree with their choice or not.

    Not everybody in this world has the bravery of a military man/woman. Be glad that you’re not being drafted. And thank them for signing up to protect you.

    And lastly, remember them in your prayers.

    Peace out ☮️

  • Something Really Positive a Family Member Has Done For Me

    Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.

    Istockphoto.com

    Hmmm 🤔. My stall has nothing to do with having to think of something. I feel I’ve been blessed by family members in a number of ways.

    The first thing that comes to mind though, is when my daughter and son-in-law invited me into their home to live when I first got clean from that evil drug. I lived with them for almost six (6) years. I was very grateful. I was really down low during that time. I was pretty much homeless…. Well, only when I stayed at the battered women’s shelter. Unfortunately I got caught with Maryjane while I was staying there and was told to pack my bags and leave.

    Funny thing is I didn’t even have that much to pack up by the end of my stay. Most of my stuff had been stollen while I was away one day. I mean, the girl even took my big suitcase to fit all my stuff in.

    The saddest part about it was staff sat in the bedroom with her while she packed and literally watched her walk away with all I owned. (She was asked to leave too. Can’t recall why).

    But that’s a different story outside of the gratitude I had and have for my family.

    I can think of several things I’ve been grateful for, and grateful for quite some time. I’m grateful for my friends, my job, my new studio, my cat, my caring employers, and but of course God should be #1 on the list. Now He has done plenty for me. And still does. My God is a great, great God.

    Amen.

  • Building Websites Blah, Blah, Blah

    Building Websites Blah, Blah, Blah

    Istockphoto.com

    I feel like the gal in the above picture. I’m normally NOT an idiot about this, but it appears I just can’t remember.

    I’ve probably made five (5) websites in my 56 years of life. Yes, I like to throw my old age out there now because I can get discounts! Yay! At least that’s one thing to keep me smiling.

    Anyway, back to the website building. I have been working on a new site for….pretty much, almost twenty-four (24) hours with minimal breaks in between. And for some reason I just cannot make things work. Everything I’ve tried has already been published (yeah, I don’t waste my time). And nothing goes smoothly about it. But I honestly don’t know what’s floating out there in cyberspace of mine now.

    I can’t understood why it is so difficult for me now. The only thing I can figure is the builders have been updated (I don’t know tech terminology for what I’m trying to say).

    Bottom line, I think WordPress has made some changes since I’ve last had a website through that builder. 🤔 oops, I’ll just say “them”.

    If I were to make a recommendation I would go with GoDaddy. Very, very simple. 🤔I didn’t think if this before, but I might get kicked off here for mentioning the competition 😬.

    Anyway, anybody is welcome to email me some simple site building tips I’m all ears. Again my email address is as follows:

    Cyngsoul70@thewiccanchristian.blog

    Thank you for your time and attention to my whining.

  • Olive Garden Without a Doubt

    Olive Garden Without a Doubt

    What is your favorite restaurant?

    I absolutely love Olive Garden. My main favorites are the Zuppa Tascana soup, their salads of course and their Seafood Alfredo with Angel Hair Pasta. Yum yum