The genie grants you a wish. What is it?
I remember seven (7) years ago being so whacked out on meth, marijuanna + gummy bears, and with all the strange things that were happening, I thought, that what was going on in the world back then was all my fault. All deaths, all airplane crashes, the increase in violence, etc. There was a lot going on.
Give me a minute, I’ll see if I can find the portion in the book I published just a few weeks before giving the fight up and going into treatment (May 2020). I was bound and determined to prove to everybody that what was happening was real. That everything that was going on back then was real.
The people who were so convinced I was in a delusional state from meth was my family, and the cops 👮. The doctors and nurses.
😂. My CSP worker too. I tried jumping out of his car once when we were driving back home from an appointment that I had (probably for my injection 😂).
I’m not laughing because I think it’s funny. I’m laughing to prevent myself from crying. When I think back on that time I think about how completely fragile and vulnerable I was. How confused I was. I had felt defeated so many times. And I know people on there were hinting at me to just “undo” myself.
I mean, HE kept asking me, “Are you alright? You’re not going to kill yourself are you?”.
I was quite hostile at the same time on that dangerous chemical. It makes people aggressive, angry, hostile, I don’t like bringing this up, but I do have a friend that has lost movement in a portion of her body due to being stabbed by (blank) several times when he was on meth. Sorry, I’m trying to protect privacy.
That stuff turns people into thieves and liars. It turns them into sexual predators who have sexual fetishes, because meth makes you so “hot” that no matter how hard you try you cannot get satisfaction. That’s the embarrassing truth. It’s like an itch you can’t scratch.
I’m not proud of my sexual experiences back then. It makes me think of animals. Two people slapping together and they don’t even like each other outside of the bed.
Well, I suppose I should answer the question.
Finally.
What I really wish for is world peace. It may sound like I stole Ms Congeniality’s phrase, but it is actually the most important wish. At least I feel anyway.
All of this hostile stuff was just starting to break out when I was on that chemical and obsessing over tarot. Groups of people kept telling me that I should start a movement. And what do you know, the LBGTQ+ came into the scene.
I am going to pray about this for a long while. And muster up my courage to go talk to a local church. I can offer spiritual guidance to troubled kids or kids that are seeking. Or, perhaps something of that nature.
Do I have the want to do that? A part of me says “no”. Because if I do this through a church I won’t be able to ….. I’ll be expected to follow their criteria. I’m sure of that. And I’m not in complete agreement with any church. No, I don’t think I’m better. They just don’t want me around as long as I’m doing the things I’m doing. Basically, all my “witchy” things.
I think it’s time I started to live my life the way I truly feel. Not how I want others to feel. I mean, I would love a few close friends that shared the same or similar beliefs.
Alright, I just talked myself into some internet research.
I’ll be back with hopefully some fulfilling information.
Oh, my wish. it’s still world peace in my book.
P.S. I’m sorry I have such a hard time staying on topic. My intentions are always good, but I get easily sidetracked by other things that get brought up. You know, some things just bring up memories.
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