The Wiccan Christian

YouTube. No, I Don’t Feel Bad About It. Should I?

4/10/2026

What app eats up most of your screen time — and do you even feel bad about it?

I have to admit I am addicted to YouTube. It started back when I lived in Osceola. I guess I got lonely and started keeping it on just for the noise. After a very short while I was jamming to the new country songs on YouTube. I remember doing a live video on facebook while the song, “Up Down” played in the background.

There were a lot of other things about that place that felt very different.

Like, deer would come right in my back yard, so close to me that I could almost touch them.

I built a lot of alters back there. And kept them up until it was time to take them down.

I made my own circle as there was an unused ….. it looked like a concrete patio. That’s where I etched my own circle with spray paint.

The duplex/triplex was next to the creek. I used to walk down to that place often, and just listen. I can hear God speaking in the rush of the water.

Some times the creek ram slow. That tells me to slow myself down too.

I almost had a huge tree in the back yard crash down on me during a very severe storm. I was outside on the porch, watching the sky. I heard this tremendous creek and turned around as the tree was splitting apart and coming down. It was dark. I couldn’t actually see the tree. I just heard this loud crackling sound and when I turned around it was coming down. I ran in the house so fast. Because I could hear something going on, but because it was dark I couldn’t see what exactly was making all those noises? Well, I figured it out quite quickly that it be best I just put my butt back in the house.

A also saw a bear that night, on my way home. It was storming like crazy. I had to have my wipers on high. As I was almost home by a few miles, this bear crosses my path on the road. I didn’t stop and watch, as something was just telling me, “Go home!”.

For some reason that night is memorable to me. The great storms caught my attention for sure. I used to love storm chasing. I still do. I just don’t like to go alone. And I want the person with an interest in that kind of stuff to want to go with. Not feel forced.

There were some very pleasant things about the town of Osceola. And some not so much. I suppose like every other town.

Not really. Osceola residents are very friendly and courteous. I imagine because they’re so used to travelers/tourists.

I tried living in Osceola again, three years later, and I couldn’t do it. I was having terrible anxiety over there. I was constantly on guard that something was going to happen to me again. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. After two months I waved my white flag and said, “Having deer in my back yard isn’t as important as my comfort”. So I moved out three months into a year lease.

I went back home and stayed in a sober house for a while. I felt I needed the extra support. Fortunately for me, they had an available room in the town I wanted to live in. It was close to my immediate family. I think I was at the sober house three months. Then my daughter and son in law invited me into their home.

Not sure how this tangent relates…..

Oh, YouTube. I’ve done my own personal videos on YouTube. Of course, I took them all down when I got clean and level headed. But you can find anything to watch on YouTube. Just plug a word or two in the search bar and away you go, into the rabbit hole of YouTube.

It’s addicting. It’s usually what I have on all day/night long. I’ve done a lot of research using YouTube. I’m not saying it’s perfect. The only perfect AU person that I see around here is ChatGPT. And after reading a few things I’m not so sure about her anymore either.

Let’s see. ..🤔 The last thing I watched on YouTube is this mediation station that I’ve had on 24/7.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=RDNdfzZTTDLVc&playnext=1&si=i-w_EXXF42vxurSS

Check it out if you’re looking for great relaxation.
Bobber Always Makes Me Smile. And So Does Beading.

4/10/2026

Cyng

I was looking for a picture of Bobber on my phone and this is what I ended up with.

Yes, there was a time in my life when I was fascinated with beads and beadwork. I’d go into Walmart and check out their bead section. Man, were they the bling.

I couldn’t help myself. I started buying them. Not really to use for anything, other than my alters and a little beadwork I did.

I loved the stringed beads. I normally kept them together, feeling they would be lonely for their mates.

Anyway, I swear Bobber thinks he’s my boyfriend. He stole my side of the bed.

He thinks he has every right to bother me when I’m busy working on something. Especially something important.

But you know what? I would not trade him for anything. I’ve never had a tabby before. I’ve usually had cats that had Siamese in them. He’s nothing like them.

Bobber – cyngsoul700
This Reading Is Unbelievable

4/10/2026

Eight Coins Tattoo Tarot by Lana Zellmer

Trusting the Journey

Today’s reading came from the Eight Coins’ Tattoo Tarot by Lana Zellner.

Overall Energy: Nine of Cups

Past: Nine of Wands • High Priestess

Present: Ten of Cups • Ten of Cups

Future: The World • The Hermit • Two of Wands

You know, this is the third time I have purchased this deck. Why? Because I gave them away to other people. I thought I was done with them; the cards. But actually these cards keep drawing me back and I think it’s amazing how easily I am able to read them this time around. Or a change in perspective.

One thing I love about this deck is that it contains two different versions of the Ten of Cups. Most tarot decks only have one, but this one offers two unique perspectives on emotional fulfillment.

As I looked at today’s spread, I didn’t see a prediction as much as I saw a story.

The Nine of Wands reminds me of the difficult seasons I’ve survived. The High Priestess reminds me that wisdom often comes through experience and learning to trust my own intuition.

In the present, the two Ten of Cups feel like an invitation to appreciate emotional peace from different angles—gratitude, contentment, home, and the relationships that nourish the soul.

Looking ahead, The World tells me that one chapter is coming to a close. The Hermit encourages me to reflect on what I’ve learned before rushing into the next season. Finally, the Two of Wands asks an exciting question:

“Where do I want to go from here?”

The overall energy of the Nine of Cups ties everything together. To me, it speaks of gratitude and recognizing blessings that may have been difficult to see while I was walking through harder times.

Whether you read tarot or not, I think there’s something we can all relate to in this spread. Life has seasons of struggle, seasons of learning, and seasons when we finally realize we’ve grown more than we ever imagined.

Today, I’m choosing gratitude for the journey.
If I Had To Be An Animal For A Week I Would Pick A Peacock

4/10/2026

If you had to be an animal for a week, which one would you be and why?

I know my spirit animal is an owl. Which is quite fitting to my nature. But, I am a bird lover, so any bird I would consider my spirit animal. Even a chicken. I love birds.

The best answer, I feel, is a peacock. Not because I think I’m all that and a box of chocolates. But because I’m a loner.

I’m also nosey. And will look into your patio window cause I’m looking for food or attention.

When I was married my second time, we had a cute little hobby farm. We raised red angus, peacocks, chickens, guinea hens, ducks. We raised baby chicks. Those were some good days.
Yes, I Am A Lifelong Learner

4/10/2026

Are you a lifelong learner?

I believe we spend our entire lives learning. There is always something new to learn, and I’m not talking about school learning. I’m talking about learning life lessons. Every day is a new day to learn.

I am always fascinated by the things I learn. I learn about people, just by observing their actions and their behavior, as well as their reactions to other’s behaviors.

What I like about learning is you can mess up on something and say, “I didn’t know”. And you’re given another opportunity to try and figure it out again.

Like unhealthy cycles for example. I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to be learning from the zodiac Cancer. But I tell you, God is trying to teach me something about them. I know and have spent time with several Cancers. Thinking back, those cancer ♋️ friends seem to be quite sensitive, but very loyal, as well as controlling. Or maybe it’s just being protective.

Maybe God is trying to tell me it’s okay to have feelings.

I’m an Aquarius ♒️. We analyze more than we feel. Everybody is more like a problem to solve for us Aquarius people. We think. A lot. We try to analyze and understand where big feelings come from,

I am so out of touch with my feelings.

That’s a lie. I’ve been bawling my head off for a week. I told my therapist that on Friday. Her response was complete joy. She said, “That is so great Cindy! PE therapy must be working!”

I said, “Apparently”.

I guess that PE therapy is working after all. The memory that we started with is like, gone. After crying fr a week it finally went away.

And, as a matter of fact, now that I’ve gotten a confession on some things from the past I actually feel a lot more content with my life than I have ever been for a very long time. I just knew…. I knew.
Two Year Meth Addiction

4/10/2026
What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?

Istockphoto.com

The hard years were the two years I developed a meth addiction. I don’t know who I thought I was, trying a drug for the first time at age 48! The most I had done in the past was alcohol and cannabis.

I didn’t even know the person I was dating at the time did it, until he brought it out in front of me. He asked me if I wanted to try it. I was already manic, so I said “sure”.

Well, I liked how it kept me manic.

In the end it turns out that I can no longer tolerate that stuff. It made me sick, I thought for sure I was poisoned. My insides felt dirty and slimy. Like my body was poisoned and I needed to detoxify. As if it wasn’t poisoning me before, right?

May 4, 2020 is my 6th Anniversary of being clean from that garbage. But it still affects my life in many ways. Mostly psychologically. Maybe some emotionally. Maybe a lot emotionally. All I know is I have two (2) PTSD diagnosis’s now: regular PtSD and Complex PTSD.

People may be wondering what the difference is? Here’s some differences:
1. It’s my understanding that regular PTSD usually involves one incident.
2. Complex PTSD involves abuse for an extended period of time. Like childhood abuse and neglect that was very normal for that family.
3. Or at times I felt like a Prisoner of war, who is held captive for a period of time. Then released after being locked up for nothing.
We can sulk about the misfortune we have gone through, or we can take pride in the things we do have. Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound harsh. You just don’t know me well enough to learn I am very passionate about my beliefs and morals and values.

We can try and find retribution, or we can just plain let it go. Trust God knows what he’s doing and walk away. Now THAT is going to be the lesson I focus on today.
I’ve Got My Own Sequel Coming Very Soon

4/10/2026

What’s a book you think deserves a sequel?

Well, you might as well know.

Yes, when I was on meth I published an Ebook through Amazon. I think it was published shortly before I left for treatment.

Which reminds me. I watched an old video I did, for all the tarot readers on YouTube. I was pretty distraught, crying a lot. Yeah, it’s kind of sad to watch. I would love to share it though. It really shows where my mind was just a day before entering treatment. It’s 14 minutes long (I think). You would think I’d be ashamed of it. But no, not anymore. It just shows how confused I was about what was going on around me.

I could literally talk days and days about the trauma. I was so shocked that these tarot readers were talking directly to me! I became very obsessed with it. I was watching YouTube tarot day and night for just a little over a year. Funny how they disappeared after I got clean.

I also shuffled tarot cards all day and all night for over a year. I was obsessed. I was fascinated by how the cards could read my mind and inner emotions. And, we can’t forget FEARS.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to get that Ebook unpublished, but it seems Amazon won’t let me. I don’t have enough information about the account to do anything about it. So there it sits. No profits yet 😂 There were several questions they asked me and a few I couldn’t remember. Or just plain didn’t know. Because I couldn’t answer ALL the questions they told me I was SOL.

So, it’s no lie, there is a sequel coming. The first book is called “bipolar.-Period. P.S. I Love You”. The second will be announced when it is finished. I don’t want anybody stealing the title before my book is complete.

P.S. I love my little guy, Bobber.
Fun Fun To Find Good Old Memories

4/10/2026

Cyng – Ancestors Alter

After six (6) years I was finally able to get into my Microsoft account. The things I found in there were off the charts. Some things I consider very fond memories. Others maybe not. But all in all, I’m happy to have been able to drudge that old stuff back up. Some memories/pics/posts/stories show me where I was in my mind back then.

When I moved closer to him, I found an apartment roughly 12 miles away from him. Just a guess. I really don’t know. Maybe it was only 10 miles.

That is not the point. My point was the place I moved to I absolutely loved. It was the biggest dump you could find. But I loved the wildlife. Deer would come in the back yard all the time. I was so close to touching one of them. My apartment was down below in the back. I lived in a triplex. Someone lived above me. She was a very kind woman. I can’t think of her name at the moment. But I remember back when I was having “an episode” she let me sleep at her place for the night.

So, here’s the story in that: First off, this was in 2019, late summer maybe. When I thought the YouTube tarot readers talked specifically to me. I called my sister and asked her if she would come and talk to me or keep me company for a while. I told her I was feeling scared. But I did not say what about.

She showed up and I was watching a YouTube tarot reader named “ Water Baby Tarot”. I tried to show it to my sister to see if it looked the way I thought it looked.

Instead of helping me she got angry. I felt like I was dealing with my dad. She called me “the devil” for watching that stuff. She lunged at me, yelling stuff while she was trying to pull me off the bed by my feet. I managed to kick her away. She then went outside and called the local police on me. The police showed up and my sister told them I was refusing to go anywhere with her and she’s concerned for my safety.

I said, “You’re damn right I ain’t going anywhere with her”.

That’s when Dawn offered to let me sleep at her apartment for the night. And see! I remembered her name!

My sister said that would be fine, then she left. But I think she left a little gloomy. She realized she did not respond very well to my call for help.

Not that this is a laughing matter, But it is kind of fun to look back and see how a person connects to a photo, or what kinds of memories pop up when you read old journal notes or book notes.

I want to share another treasure I found, but we will save that for another post.
Well, It Would Be Hawaii In The Past, But What’s Left?

4/10/2026

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Since the huge fires in Hawaii I haven’t been too interested in living anywhere else, but where I am currently. This has been my home state since my birth. And though it gets plenty cold in the winter, I still stay.

In my opinion, the state I’m in is probably the safest state these days. Although we have a fraudster for a governor and other thieves that stole Minnesota taxpayers money.

But, considering all of the natural disasters that have been of recent, I can honestly say Minnesota has been protected from anything too traumatic. And God reminds us of this fortune every day, so we do not take it for granted.

So, I guess I’ll stay in Minnesota.
I’m Just So Angry And Disappointed Things Turned Out The Way They Did.

4/10/2026

I’m not even going to call him by his fake name anymore. From now on he is known as Him and He. Those are his pronouns. 😁

I still cry really hard at night. From all the trauma I endured those two years. I can tell you what I want to compare it to. I want to compare it to being enslaved. Sexually at first. And if you couldn’t perform any longer. Not because you’ve got the problem. But chances are somebody else does.

Anyway, yes, I do cry. When I think about how someone can be so demeaning and cruel. I just can’t imagine it. I mean, those type of people are not anybody I want to be known to hang around. They’re just not nice people.

It is true that people will do anything for that drug. A person will sell his soul. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. Loss. I’m experiencing it now.

I talked to my daughter about the situation between Him and I. To keep this simple, I’ll just say I’m no longer allowed over to their house until they’re feeling better about the situation. They know I can’t be trusted right now. I am very vulnerable right now.

My personal feeling about it is I feel I CAN manage it. I don’t want to take anybody home with me. When I’m offered I don’t suck on it for an hour before passing it along 🤪.

I mean, I can rationalize and minimize, but the truth is these people harmed me psychologically. And that’s really what this discussion is about. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from that completely. People with mental illnesses never get better. Stress makes them worse. The longer they hang onto stress, the more debilitating their mental health is going to become.

You know, if I think about it that way, I suppose I could sue. …..

I could so see him paying me each month a large sum of money because of my accident and that will be my compensation from him for what he has done to me.

And I already know, he’s going to pretend that he doesn’t even know what I’m talking about.

But, I also know he’ll pay. 💰

Right dear??

These are always how my blogs go. Unorganized and very often unfinished thoughts on paper. That’s even to happen when you feel betrayed or overwhelmed.