The Wiccan Christian

I’m having a hard time dealing with this fear I have. If I can just stop and ground myself for a minute or two, or 30. Or all day.

Well, I’m back.

You know, the last time this happened. 6-8 years ago, the only outcomes that ever came true in those tarot readings were the ones I put myself into. Because of being dysregulated, lacking in emotional maturity, poor decisions. And unfortunately, yeah, I got into some trouble with the law as well. I turned into a lunatic on that damn methamphetamine. My credibility was gone, I lost everything and everyone in my life. That’s when I first understood karma. Prior to that I was very selfish. As well as very unaware. I was blinded by the world. I was a….. never mind, I have to be mindful of things I say (good catch Cindy😂👏).

I understand what I did to “him” was wrong. I probably should’ve just brought it up myself and asked him what was going on with us…. But when I think of it and look back, I can see where it had turned into a cycle for me. That I didn’t know how to get out of. Like the cycle I still seem to be in with a female. And there are times when I wonder if she interfered in my energy field between me and my second ex husband on purpose. It seems she interferes with everybody.

And I wonder, is she always going to interfere? She has interfered so far. But I haven’t really been interested in any body, so that’s her hope for now, I guess.

I still suffer from the many things, and/or the after effects regarding that relationship between “him” and I. And they did it for what? A joke. All I can say about it is those are some sick **********. Need I say more? That just does not compute to me at all. But it also shows where their emotions and empathy were. They had none.

I need to remind myself that I am worth more than a good fair amount of people who actually really wish me unwell.

I’m not sure what to say. I can see some possibilities. I’m still struggling with the shock that I got myself so involved with…,.

I’ll just say I was very isolated. A lot.

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How long did that take me?

I’ve been having a problem with social media lately, so I’m thinking about just taking a break. I may have to just stay away for a while. Sometimes some things are just hard to hear. I do want to take a couple days to think about it.

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Something just dawned on me 🤔. I am giving these people what they want. I need to stop this. Last time, whether they were nice or not, it stressed me out.

Now, I’ve only been watching three different people instead of listening to a bunch of people. These three gals have been really helpful and supportive and nice. But I’m noticing an increase in my anxiety listening to them. So. I really think I need to stay out of it and away from the situation to keep myself well.

I’ll always be curious. But sometimes being curiousness k**** the cat. So I’m going to be a little more discerning.

I don’t want to burst anybody’s bubble, but I’m really nobody special. I just do what the Lord guides me to do from day to day. Anybody can do that. If they’re willing to give up their life to follow the Lord. He will provide for everything you need. And all you need is a seed as small as a mustard seed. Plant it. God promises it will grow. You just have to believe it in your heart, act like you’ve already got it and thank God each day for the gifts he gives you, small or large.

This is Cindy signing out.

Peace ☮️