There is a song that has been playing in my mind for about four (4) days now. I’d like to share both the video and lyrics (if it’s possible). Must just be a feeling I’ve been feeling lately, creeping out in songs and dreams:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=RDxJJsoquu70o&playnext=1&si=1O1wdISLjxH-NY4K
Everything’s so blurry and everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s empty and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing, imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us, but that’s not very far
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
Everyone is changing, there’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel
‘Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl
And you could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you’re doing, I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us, but that’s not very far
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
No, nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to run away
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well, you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me, no
This pain you gave to me
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all, can you take it all away
The pain you gave to me?
Can you take it all away
This pain you gave to me?
Can you take it all away
This pain you gave to me?
(-Blurry-by Puddle of Mud)
***************************************
I think I know why this song has been reminiscing in my mind. Because it’s how I truly feel. Betrayed mostly. And that hurts.
I’m not falling for any more schemes from him. People on WordPress maybe wonder what I’m talking about. But something tells me this was the community he referred to. And I’ve been the butt of everybody’s joke for many years. Which is fine. I don’t mind.
Which is an absolute lie.
What I don’t understand is why he started doing the exact same things to me that he did 6-7 years ago (?). I don’t get it. Because I caught him in a lie? And he can’t own up to it? Idk 🤷 Seems so weird to me. There must have been a pretty good secret around that lie.
But I’m learning that’s what narcissists do. They don’t want you, and they don’t want anyone else having you either.
The truth is I truly had some kind of feelings for this guy, but …. you know, the way he pretended to be. There’s nothing real about a narcissist. That’s what I’ve been reading anyway.
You know, this situation kind of reminds me of a blog post I wrote about a few years ago. 🤔
So, the bottom line is I need to quit focusing on the loss. Because what I lost was never meant to be found.
Now I don’t know what to think. This person has been a phony the whole time. I could feel it too. I just couldn’t put my finger on exactly what. Now I know.
The truth is he never loved me. He was all talk and no action. He went MIA on me a lot. I never knew where he was or what he was up to. He kept a few secrets from me, that’s for sure.
I guess I’m grieving over something that was never really real.
The Wiccan Christian 
Leave a comment