The Wiccan Christian

I was very relieved when Joe said he didn’t want to see me or talk to me ever again. It had solved a huge problem for me.

But yesterday when I woke up I started wondering, ‘Why did he cut me off just like that? What is his motive behind that?’

I came up with numerous conclusions:

1. He wanted a reaction out of me so he could file another restraining order against me for contacting him after he said “no more contact”.
2. He doesn’t trust that I will keep his secrets.
3. He got himself a new girlfriend
4. He wants to monitor me from a distance.
5. He wants to put me back on that hamster wheel.

I admit, I was on the hamster wheel most of the day yesterday. I finally had to tell myself, ‘Doesn’t this feel familiar?’. After that realization, I quit.

I then distracted my attention to my book. In there is where I wrote down several examples from the past that had occurred before and during my psychosis. It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s enough to prove my point.

I decided to take the first page out of my book. I was originally going to dedicate it to Joe. But after finding out some facts I feel the question I had asked in the book was no longer necessary. That and I didn’t want the book to be all about him. I didn’t think he deserved any credit.

I woke up this morning with a much fresher outlook on the day. Yesterday I spent too much time thinking. I’m done thinking about it. I’ll write things as I remember them. No more forcing memories.