I have some news that totally changes the trajectory of my life. Remember me talking about that man I was dating that introduced me to that methamphetamine? Remember me talking about going into a drug induced psychosis? Well, the truth has finally emerged. That man, I’ll just call him “Joe”, finally fessed up to his involvement in these “delusions” I was having.
It turns out I was right the whole time. I knew some of what I was going through was real. I just didn’t know how much was of his doing and how much was actually delusional. Well, now I know. And I feel completely vindicated. It doesn’t matter to me the specifics. I just needed to know my intuition was still in tact and not lost because of meth.
I blame everything on the meth now. I don’t blame him, I don’t blame me, I don’t blame anybody else. I blame the meth. People do sinister things on that drug. It makes people into monsters, Liars and thieves.
I am aware that at first they thought fucking with my head was funny. I’m guessing until they saw how I reacted to it. Then it became not so funny. And I believe they actually feared what I would do if I knew the truth…..
No, I think they thought it was all funny. And the expense of their fun was the loss of myself for six (6) years. I couldn’t trust my judgment anymore. My family no longer trusted my judgment. I’ve pretty much been set free from a prison I have been in for six (6) years or more.
I also don’t think they really understood the gravity of their actions, how it further harmed my mental health or mental state.
I should be angry. After all, they preyed on my vulnerabilities. Who does that? And now that I know what I know, am I letting people off the hook that easily? No, I don’t believe so.
At this point in my life, I’m willing to give “Joe” an opportunity to redeem himself. We are both clean now and that makes a difference. I believe I CAN take care of myself again. Prior to this new knowledge I felt crippled by my mental health. The fact that “Joe” actually fessed up to lessen my insecurities and poor feelings about myself tells me he does have a heart in there somewhere. Finally. After six (6) years. But you know, nobody likes to talk about their nasty behavior from meth. It’s embarrassing and humiliating, to name just two words off the top of my head.
All I know is today feels like an amazing day. I can see the light again.
Peace ☮️
The Wiccan Christian 
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