The Wiccan Christian

I chose my first husband for this post, because even though we are no longer together because of my poor choices, I have some regrets over leaving him and demanding a divorce.

He was very good to my daughter and treated her as his own. Even today they have a very close relationship.

At the time I left I was going through a period of mania (I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder). And one day I just woke up and threw my medication in the garbage and started exercising like a mad woman. I lost between 40-50 lbs just jogging, walking and working on the elliptical machine at the local fitness center.

After my daughter left for college I got empty nest syndrome and became very depressed and unsure of what to focus my life on now that my daughter was “gone”.

I ran into an old friend, and from there things just dominoed.

My first husband was a very patient man. He never yelled. But when he spoke you knew he meant business. Because he treated me so kindly it carried a very positive impression on my life. And even after I left he didn’t get angry, or even show any emotion at all.

One night he did ask me out for supper to talk. I was already seeing my second husband at the time, so even though we did meet there wasn’t much said, because of my current status. He did ask me about getting back together. But I was still on a mania high, so I said no.

Looking back I realize he treated me very well and was the kindest man that ever entered my life. So yes, I do have regrets. He was always encouraging, complimenting me whenever I accomplished some kind of task that I would typically be too afraid to try. He had confidence in me that I did not have in myself. He was always trying to encourage me to stretch beyond, what I thought, were my limitations.

We did continue a friendship, for my daughter’s sake, but ever since I messed up on that nasty drug, our friendship became estranged. We used to talk on a regular basis. Now we don’t talk at all. Not much anyway.

If I could do that part of my life over I would do it differently. But I can’t dwell on the could’ve/would’ve/should’ve. I don’t hang onto it. I’m just saying I would do things differently.