The Wiccan Christian

I love morning hours, especially in the summer time when it starts getting light at 4am.

I used to sit outside with my coffee and cigarettes and listen to the birds wake up and watch the sunrise.

Now, I vape nicotine instead with my coffee. It doesn’t feel the same, but I’m not going back to cigarettes. It’s been since August of 2023. And I know vaping is no better than, but it’s the best I can do at this time that is not offensive.

I learned something interesting about myself this past week. My relapse made me very sick. So sick I quit the alcohol and Maryjane/vapes. I ended up sick for a week. So sick there were moments I was afraid I was going to die in my sleep.

This lasted a week. I kept thinking it was from the meth. The meth had poisoned me. I was having panic attacks and anxiety about this.

Anyway, Monday I was finally well enough to go into the doctor and get some lab work done.

Long story short, I leaned from my lab results that I was going through Alcohol withdrawals, according to Chat GPT (I had to ask her what all the codes meant).

I never would have guessed that 2-3 glasses of wine before bed would cause that.

Until I really thought about it. I was using wine as a way to get sleep. As a medication.

So, I haven’t drank in over a week. I’d have to look back. But I don’t want to. I just want to forage ahead. Looking back is discouraging. Looking forward is adventurous.

I called my doctor and asked her if she could give me something for the cravings. I won’t lie, I think about it when I get home from work, on my own time. It was the only way I knew how to just let sh*t go.

My anxiety is pretty crippling. That’s the only way I know how to talk to people. At least used to. Prior to 2023 I had probably 10 years off alcohol. Maybe more. I started drinking after the Maryjane vapes quit working for me. Until I had a glass or two (2) of wine.

I’m still on the fence about the Maryjane. I don’t see anything wrong with smoking some flower once in awhile.

But I know what they’d say in NA. I’ve been to several online. I found this very extensive list of Online NA meetings, any hour of any day. I’ve been trying to go to two (2) a day and it’s been kind of fun. I can’t see who’s all in it, unless they talk. I never know how many there are for sure. And they’re from all over. I’m not a tech person, I just learned how to put a picture on zoom instead of looking at my ugly face.

Wow, 😮 that sounded …..negative. I don’t know where that came from.

Long story short, I’m again new in recovery. I honestly didn’t think that wine would cause alcohol withdrawals. Maybe I was drinking more than I thought 💭 . Whatever the case doesn’t matter. I know God saved my life once again from another possible downhill spiral, and I am grateful He spared me any more agony.

Peace ☮️