The Wiccan Christian

I am realizing this man does not have my best interests at heart. Maybe he loves me, but he sure has an awful way of showing it. I’ve now just realized what he’s been doing to me. I have now just realized he is a narcissist. And possibly a sociopath.

I didn’t figure it out on my own. It took friends and family to beat me over the head with it. But the biggest help was hearing it from my brother’s girlfriend. I’m not sure why her, but I think she’s had experience with abuse as well.

What I don’t understand is why did I not see it. Was I in denial? Was I used to that kind of treatment? My friend pointed two things out to me:

One, I had a female friend that was in love with me (maybe still is). I kept trying to maintain a simple friendship with her, but she always turned it around that “we were dating”. I’ve known her since I was sixteen (16) and she was fourteen (14). Trust me, I’ll never forget, because she always used to remind me. My friend pointed out the abuse she was putting me through for… thirty (30) years maybe 🤔. Maybe more (I’m terrible at math). Anyway, our friendship was always so tumultuous, especially the last ten (10) years. And personally, it’s my own fault for staying with her and her husband for three (3) months when I left my first husband. During that stay I slept with them in their bed. At that time I had a lot of mental health issues and was self medicating with alcohol. So I was always drunk there. I was also manic. I do have bipolar disorder and looking back, yeah I was manic. And when I’m manic I do risky behaviors. And I quit taking my medication because I think I’m cured.

Needless to say, my horsing around with her/them caused a big problem. She wouldn’t let me go. She divorced her husband for me, thinking I would do the same. Then we would run off together and live happily ever after. I burst her bubble when I said that’s not going to happen.

Until I did have to leave my second husband. I needed help and contacted her, after not speaking for two years (my husband didn’t like me hanging around her). Contacting her for help was the wrong thing to do, because the same problem started all over again. I had been dealing this problem ever since.

I have finally cut all ties with her. It’s probably been three (3) months or more. I don’t miss her. Well, I miss our friendship. But then again, we never really had a friendship. In her eyes we had a relationship. Once it was pounded in my head by her, that she does not want to be friends, that was enough for me to walk away. You don’t have to tell me twice.

My friend explained to me that she was just as mean, controlling and manipulative as this man was. They are two of the same people. That’s why they hate each other so much.

When she said this to me, quite clearly, it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes. And I could finally see the dysfunction in both of them. It did absolutely no good to confront either of them on their behavior, ever. They saw me as the problem, literally. They blamed my feelings on my bipolar disorder. So, I guess that’s what I believed

Second will have to be continued another day. I think this post is long enough.